You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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