I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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