i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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