I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
