whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
