She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
