i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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