finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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