her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
last night I used snow as a chaser
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