why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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