oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
