He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Welp...herpes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
