hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
