they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need water and some morals
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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