He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
