Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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