is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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