I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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