can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
