I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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