can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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