only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
