I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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