Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
