DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
