There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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