do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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