He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
