the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
