i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
