she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
