Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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