She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
