All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think your dad took our porno
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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