I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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