My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The Olympian is in my bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
