ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
