I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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