Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
