FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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