Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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