I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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