Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
