at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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