Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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