Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
