he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
