So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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