is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
