well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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